In Solitude lies my Identity !!!

I am right now penning this entry, just to stem my frustration . Events of the past few hours have been overwhelming, and i needed a distraction ,pretty badly.

By chance,an hour ago, i came across the following in my tweetdeck : " In Solitude lies my Identity " . The tweet at first looked pretty insignificant. But , after sometime, it had me thinking. Ten minutes later, i could actually relate to it ,and lo behold , a welcome distraction.

So i thought ,why not give vent to my interpretations here ? After all ,writing kind of soothes me.

.Coming back to the issue. Solitude as one would define it ,is basically being seperated from people and trying to think and live independently. I find many people ,getting this definition wrong. Solitude does not mean you need to be alone and seperated, you can even experience solitude in your own independence !!! I strictly believe the second one is ,what i prescribe to.

. Hmm, i have never been a great social animal. But that does not mean i am a total introvert. You just need to strike a balance between both , and ,tread a path that makes you feel comfortable and at home. Your solitude arises out of this comfortableness . Basically, you define your own boundaries and within them , all issues and decisions are left to your independence. No interference ,whatsoever !!!

. I have had pretty strong opinions on solitude for a long time !!! I never really gave a thought ,as to what caused such depth in my feelings !!! When i come to think of it now, i realize it basically boils down to the people who shape your life. I hate people who, just jump into my life out of nowhere and try to tell me what to do. Hello, i do like my space and i want you to respect it also .

. Half my life has gone , in explaining and convincing people , about each and every step i take. I understand all this , is due to the concern they have over me . But ,when this concern ,kind of stretches into the independence i expect while taking decisions , it disturbs the equilibrium. Striking a balance is very important over here !!! Call this "Generation Gap " or whatever you want to name it as. Its more than anything ,an exercise in trust and confidence. Once you have established such an atmosphere, reasoning with and convincing these people becomes easy .

.Coming to the Identity part. I believe i have always, found my best reserves and resources ,when i have been given time and space to think . In a way, you can say my "identity stems out of my actions and thoughts , which in turn are influenced by the independence and the environment i am experiencing at that point of time" .

.Lets look at a very stupid example. Well ,it just goes to show you, how silly my levels of abstraction can get :P. Fourth and fifth semesters were my worst in college. One reason for my poor performances ( no i am not shifting the blame or anything ) ,was that i used to study along with a group ,whose way of learning concepts and applying them to problems, were completely different from mine. It affected my preparations for my exams a lot. Dont ask me why i stuck to them for two semesters. Call it friendship or gratitude. But , i knew a decision had to made , after the end of the fifth semester.

Some straight talk later, i was studying on my own. My performances improved. I read at my own pace, used my own tricks to learn concepts, understand and apply them to problems. Again , i am not squarely blaming them for my poor performances. But , it was a reason. Again, you might find this silly, but its a small example which might go a long way in helping you understand my thoughts.

This is not the only instance. I have always maintained that i am a bit aloof , and i expect people to respect me,for what i am . I truly respect those , who gave me the space and independence i need.

You know what's more important ? When you bring such a predicatement upon yourselves and when you choose to live a life of solitude through independence , you are responsible for almost every decision you take , and you are always under some pressure (inflicted by yourself ) to make the right choice. People will give their opinions, but the final decision's upto you. There's no fallback .

Coming to think of it, the above attribute has kind of really shaped my maturity(or whatever i have of it ). Now , that i am off to distant lands to pursue a dream ,and where help and opinion is always not available, this maturity will count a lot , when taking decisions.

As i move closer and closer, the thought that i am facing my toughest challenge is both an inspirational and overwhelming feeling .

Hmmm, so here's a huge thanks to all those who have respected me for what i am ,given me space and independence and , in a way shaped my identity !!!

PS : I am sorry if i ended the entry a bit on the blunt side. I am having a headache. Guess i thought too much :P.